


Hope Turned Inside-Out

by Alienea, Juan_Pujol_Garcia, octovoid128, pleasekalemenow, Sinna



Series: The Inherent Romanticism of Dragons [16]
Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dragons, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:27:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25962823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alienea/pseuds/Alienea, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juan_Pujol_Garcia/pseuds/Juan_Pujol_Garcia, https://archiveofourown.org/users/octovoid128/pseuds/octovoid128, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasekalemenow/pseuds/pleasekalemenow, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinna/pseuds/Sinna
Summary: Marius finally receives a response to his heartfelt letter. It's not quite what he had hoped for.
Relationships: Lyfrassir Edda/Marius von Raum, The Mechanisms Ensemble/The Mechanisms Ensemble
Series: The Inherent Romanticism of Dragons [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832185
Comments: 21
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter 1

It’s been weeks since Marius sent his letter. The lack of response from Lyf has him growing increasingly antsy. They should have gotten the letter by now right??? Why wouldn't they have? Have they simply decided to not respond, and pretend they don’t know him, and vanish completely? Marius is anxious, and stress cleaning everything, which sometimes involves disrupting his friends’ activities, which just makes him feel worse, and it’s overall a bad time in the misery loop! Currently he is working in the library, trying to not trip over Ivy and her current pile of books.

"Hey Ivy?" He tries to sound casual but it is probably Not successful.

“Yes, Marius?” She doesn’t look up from her book. Knowing her, she’s probably just invested in its contents. He attempts to shove down the certainty that she’s sick of him bothering her.

"How....how long is the travel time between here and Yggdrasil? Specifically for mail?"

Ivy turns a page, quiet for a few long seconds. “On average, it’s two weeks. Given the size of the bribe Ashes paid the postmaster, probably a bit less.”

Marius worries his lip between his teeth. "What do you think it means that I haven't gotten a reply?"

Ivy considers for a moment, then sets her book aside and looks up at him. “It could mean nothing. The postal service is fallible, after all, so it could have gotten lost. Their knightly duties could have taken them elsewhere, and the process of forwarding your letter is slowing things down.”

Marius takes a deep breath. Right. All reasonable possibilities. "Could you come with me to the post office to check?"

Ivy gives him a small smile. “Of course.”

Marius holds out his hand to hers, nervous and looking for support.

Ivy takes his hand and stands. “We should check if there’s anything Ashes or Raph wants from in town. Or if they’d like to come with us.”

He nods. "Okay."

-

Marius is full of nervous energy as the four of them head towards town. He’s trying not to get his hopes too high, but if he doesn't get hopeful then the other option is him thinking they just aren't replying on purpose. Ivy squeezes his hand, so he’s definitely telegraphing his nerves. 

They reach the post office and Marius hesitates outside of it for a long while. Ivy leans against his side slightly and asks, "Do you want any of us to come in with you?" 

"I could... see if any of the letters share an affinity with you?” Raph offers, fidgeting. “In case it's just- bad labelling or something? Either way."

"That...that would be good, I think, Raph. Y-you guys can come in if you want."

"I'll come too," Ashes says. "Make sure there's nothing... unusual going on."

Marius will simply open the door. He's afraid but he can do that much. Ivy squeezes his hand slightly and follows him in, Ashes close behind. Raph slips in, shifting away her wings for space inside the building rights. 

Marius goes to the counter to enquire about any letters addressed to him. There is, in fact, a letter.

Marius almost collapses in relief as he takes the letter. There it is, his name in their handwriting, the script he best knows how to read. "Finally..."

Ivy releases his hand, but stays near his side.

"Oh, that's good!" Raph politely looks away from the letter.

Ashes grips Ivy's hand tightly.

Marius tears it open hurriedly, heart soaring with hope and far too impatient to wait. And then he reads it. And rereads it. His face falls.

"Let's...go outside." Ivy gives the postmaster a glance and ushers Marius outside.

Ashes tips the postmaster then follows them out.

Raph goes with, looking worried. "Marius? Do you need me to do something?"

"It's." He forces a smile. "It's fine. They're... they're doing well." He hands the letter to Ivy like it's proof that things are fine.

_My dear Marius,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. I know the overall situation right now is...difficult, but we’ll come through it together. We always do._

_The Pendragons are always a delight to visit. I do so hope to bring you here to meet them someday; I know they’d be just dazzled by your charms. Although Björn may give you a run for your money. They are...incredibly fond of him. As am I. He misses you. Not nearly as much as I do, of course. I always miss you terribly when I am sent away. You are, as always, my most cherished companion, and I long to return to the comfort of your arms._

_Ever yours,_

_Lyfrassir_

Ivy reads it, frowning. It seems like a perfectly normal, sweet letter. She turns back to Marius. "Okay. What context am I missing, that this is hurting you?"

"Nothing. It's fine. Everything is fine. Can we go home?" Marius does not look at her.

"...we can go talk about this at home, yes.”

Ashes is touched to hear him refer to their hoard as home, but they're mostly distracted by worry. He's clearly upset about something.

Raph looks at the letter's envelope and the back of the letter. "Looks old. How far out did you say they were?"

"They mentioned the Pendragons. Means they're probably still in Camelot. Or they were when they sent this."

"Well. Maybe you'll get more mail? Might be staggered." Raph does not know how the mail system works. Sometimes she is the mail system. "Camelot... I've witched there. I can take something out, if you don't get anything for a while."

"Camelot is quite a bit further than Yggdrasil. They probably just didn't get your letter before sending this one." Ivy points out, reasonably.

"How would they have known to send it here if they didn't get my first letter?" He tries not to snap at her because that's not fair to her. She doesn’t deserve that.

"I did pay the postmaster quite well," Ashes points out. "His messenger might have picked up any mail that was waiting for you."

"Then shouldn't it have arrived sooner?? If it was there when my letter arrived in Yggdrasil, it would have been brought back _immediately_ . Which would have been _weeks_ ago." Marius is losing his battle to sound not stressed.

Raph spreads her hands hopelessly. "I don't know. I don't really use the mail system. I can. Try to go look, though?"

Ashes doesn't understand what's upsetting him, or how to fix it, so they try just putting their hand on his shoulder.

"Do you. Want a hug?" Ivy offers.

Marius shakes his head. "I'm fine. It's good news! They're... happy." He doesn't take the letter back from her and just keeps walking back towards the Hoard.

Raph walks with. "Okay. That's good. Alive is good, happy is better?"

Ivy is not a fucking idiot. "Well. I would like a hug." She jogs slightly to catch up to him and presses against his side.

Marius pauses to let her hug him, but he's tense and doesn't really reciprocate.

Ashes looks to Raph for help. Raph moves over to be close to Ashes, and uses a quick spell so that only Ashes can hear what she says next. "It's- definitely a relationship emotions thing, he'll let us know if he needs anything. I think we're supposed to just be supportive? Ivy's got it for now, I think. I don't know what his relationship with this person was."

Ivy sighs. "Back home, then." She latches onto Marius's arm and heads back towards the Hoard.

He follows, starting to feel a little numb which is better than the impending wave of heartbreak he knows is coming.

As they walk back, Ashes quietly tells Raph what little they know about Marius’s knight. She absorbs it, then shrugs. "Mm. Yeah, I think. Just letting him know we're here for him. That he's got a place. Probably... when he's had some time to process? I don't know. People don't like getting too many emotions at once, though."

Over time, a large and comfortable pillow pile has come into being. Ivy leads Marius straight to that. Ashes curls around the pile in dragon form.

Marius settles in and takes a deep breath. "They don't... they don't feel the same way about me as I do them."

"How do you know?" Ivy asks. 

"They didn't say it back. I-I poured my heart out to them, they would have said something back."

Ivy raises an eyebrow. "...they signed it as "ever yours.” How is that not reciprocation?" 

"Maybe- it was an old letter, yeah? Maybe they don't know?" Raph blinks and looks over. "Oh. Huh. Good point."

"That's definitely love," Ashes agrees.

"That's how they _always_ sign letters." Marius says, exasperated.

"Always sign letters to everyone, or always sign letters to you?" Ashes asks.

"So you're saying they've always loved you." Ivy curls up against Marius's side.

"I don't know, I don't read letters they write to other people!" Marius snaps a little. He feels bad about this immediately. "I'm sorry. I." He tries to keep speaking but his voice cracks and oh. There's the wave. The tears start to roll down his face

Ashes curls in closer. Raph positions herself next to Marius and drapes a wing over Marius and Ivy. She has not had time to learn how to comfort either of them specifically, but wing hugs are always nice.

Ivy hums soothingly, pressing closer to him. "You don't need to apologize, we know you're just. Feeling Emotions. Which is good and necessary,” she hastily amends. 

Marius tries to say something more but he just can't, so he just sobs for a while. Ivy holds him until he's ready to talk. Ashes resists the instinct to solve it by burning down his enemies. Humans are complicated and that won't be helpful right now, so they just stay curled around the group.

He does his best to wipe away his tears and stop crying because this is a stupid thing to cry about, he shouldn't have ever gotten his hopes up. "Wh-what will they say when I see them again? What if they don't want to see me again because they're uncomfortable I came on so strong?"

Ivy rubs his back. "I don't know what they'll say. But I'm sure the sort of person you'd fall in love with wouldn't be intentionally cruel to you. And "I long to return to your arms" really doesn't sound like they'd be scared off by a confession of love."

Raph nods. "Yeah. Maybe they just didn't know how to respond, but didn't want to leave you waiting, so they wrote that so that you'd have something." She has called down the octokittens, and given them physical form, so they can purr on Marius. They were getting quite anxious - apparently they picked up on the instinct to comfort Hoard.

"Look,” Ashes says, “I'm not very good at humans, but this sounds like a letter from someone who loves you."

"Why wouldn't they just say it then?" Marius asks desperately.

Raph puts another octokitten on Marius. "Afraid, maybe? I don't know. Love's a lot."

"I've known them two years now. Why would they be afraid to love me?" Marius is tearing up again.

"Because it's a shift from the status quo?” Ivy suggests. “Change is scary, especially when it involves emotional vulnerability." Ashes just gives Ivy a Look for her hypocrisy. Ivy just blinks at them. She was trying to give an honest answer and does not understand why she is being Looked at.

"I don't know anything about them, so I don't know. Love's just. Scary, a lot of the time." Raph hasn't bothered to try to love for centuries, aware that she's immortal, and other witches, well. They don't like her tendency to remain half-shifted.

"Also,” Ivy continues, turning away from Ashes’s judgement, “there could be political reasons. The court you came from seems like it's incredibly shitty."

"It is, but they already know we're... something."

“Are you sure? Making assumptions is. Risky. From experience.” Ivy is thinking about the better part of a decade she spent assuming Ashes had no interest in a romantic relationship with her.

Ashes nudges her with their muzzle and tries very hard not to laugh. They are thinking about the same thing, but it would be very inappropriate right now.

Marius shakes his head. "I don't know, I don't know I thought I knew but I don't understand anything anymore I feel so _stupid_!"

Ashes sighs. "You always have a home here, if you want it."

Raph nods and awkwardly pats his shoulder.

Marius sniffles and snuggles into them all further. "Th-thank you."

Ivy shifts uncomfortably. “This is...ah. Probably as good a time as any to mention that we mean that literally.” 

Marius is confused enough that he stops crying for a second. "What?"

Ivy glances at Ashes. They sigh, and explain. "You... It seems that I've accepted you as part of my Hoard. I won't hold you against your will, but if you wish to stay, you'll be protected, same as Ivy. You won't have to age, you won't have to die, and I will always look after you."

Marius tears up again at this, but these tears are more positive. The only other person who's offered something like this is Lyf. He's been comfortable here, sure, but he didn't let him think of it as home. He'd been an intruder, a thief. And now they're telling him he has a place here. That he belongs. He doesn't know what to say so he just kind of resumes ugly-sobbing, but in a happier way.

Raph awkwardly tries to pat his shoulder to comfort, and then gives up and just presses in with her wing a bit so that there's what she likes to think is a nice pressure stim.

Ashes tries to figure out if this latest burst of tears is a good or bad thing. They can feel through the hoard bond that he's happier, but they're also pretty sure crying isn't a thing humans usually do when they're happy. Ivy notices their confusion and gives them a surreptitious thumbs up.

Marius tries to wipe away his tears but they keep flowing. "S-sorry, I'm sorry, I j-just... I'm emotional... sorry."

"It's... fine." Ashes tries to smile encouragingly. There are way too many teeth but they are trying.

"You don't have to apologize for crying. Crying is generally helpful, I think. Or at least people that cry have generally felt like it helped, afterwards? I haven't had time to look into causality." Raph is trying to be comforting but probably also missing.

“Crying does...things,” Ivy agrees. “Chemical things, probably. It’s either that or magic.” 

Marius gives a laugh that's a little bit like a sob. "Yeah, probably magic."

"I can look into it,” Raph offers, far more confident with this area. “Might be chemical. That would be weird to test, though."

Ashes laughs. Everyone leaning on them can feel it. "Magic makes more sense I think."

"I agree." Marius agrees, managing a faint smile.

"Could be! In any case. Crying fine. You don't have to feel bad about crying,” Raph reassures him.

Marius sniffles but he's feeling better. He snuggles into all of them happily. The Hoard cuddles.


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks later, Marius ends up at the post office again. This is just a casual check, as he’s not really expecting any further correspondence, but there’s no harm in making it part of his routine. There is, in fact, a letter. It’s hastily scribbled and crumpled, marked with a date just a bit before he sent his own letter out. Marius furrows his brow as he accepts it and tips the postmaster distractedly. He brings the letter outside and sits down on a stump to open it.

_ My dearest, Marius; _

_ I find myself quite suddenly out of time and out of words with which to communicate to you a great deal of things which I had originally presumed I would have ample of both to convey. I am sorry not to be able to tell you this properly, with more eloquent words from my own mouth, but it seems our honored Queen has misled my troupe on the gravity of the threat which lies ahead of us. I will spare you the details for your sanity, but suffice it to say I cannot afford to waste any more time in telling you that you have my heart completely, and it’s been yours for some time. This came as quite a surprise to me when first I realized, as I (as well as life on the whole) had put a great deal of effort into ensuring I had no heart left to give away, but you restored mine to me and then took it for your own, and I have spent every day in awe of you since. Your radiance outshines the brightest stars, my love, and although I know you could never feel the same about a feeble flame such as myself, I need you to know that you are the sun towards which I grow, the water that nourishes me, the darkness that comforts me and lulls me to sleep. You are my best friend, the love of my life, my everything. I’m sorry that, as usual, I have no sense of timing, and I pray you find happiness away from the troubles which plagued our beautiful moments together. Thank you for making me feel alive. I shall do everything within my power to remain alive through this hell so I can return to your arms once more. _

_ Ever yours, _

_ Lyfrassir Prose Edda _

Marius doesn't realize that he's crying until a tear falls onto the page. He hastily dabs it away and tries to understand what exactly the letter is trying to say. They love him. They do. But this letter was obviously written after the first one and apparently written before he even sent his first letter. This isn't a reply, it's...a  _ goodbye _ . A cold feeling of dread settles in his stomach. He stumbles back to the Hoard with tears in his eyes. 

Ashes feels that something is wrong with Marius, his anguish resonating through their bond. They nudge Ivy away from her archiving and go to meet him at the entrance to their lair.

Marius flings himself against their side and breaks down, the letter clutched tight in his hand.

Ashes shifts human so they can better hold him tightly. "Marius? What happened?"

He blindly holds out the letter towards Ivy so she can read it. He doesn't know how to even begin to explain the whirlwind of emotions swirling through him.

Ivy reads it out loud to Ashes in Welsh, so Marius doesn’t have to hear the words again. “Oh, Marius...”

"Th-they might be  _ dead _ , I d-don't think they ever g-got my letter, wh-what if they never got my letter?"

Ashes doesn't know what to say. Hoard should be unbreakable. Hoard should be safe. But apparently magic, no matter how old, can't prevent the breaking of a human heart. They shift back and curl themself around him. "Marius..."

"Wh-what if they're dead a-and th-they never knew I love them back?"

"If they didn't know you love them, then they're worse at human communication than I am." Ashes is aiming for reassuring. They fail.

"Th-that's the thing they  _ are _ . L-look!" Marius points to the section where they say they don't think he loves them back. "A-and I thought the same of them. W-we've always been such disasters..." He rubs at his red eyes. "I-I need to know, I need to find them..."

"We can do that," Ashes realizes. "I can get you to Camelot in a couple days probably."

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Ashes,” Ivy interjects. “A dragon showing up at a court full of knights? That’s. Risky.”

Marius originally had half a brain to accept the offer but thank god Ivy has brain cells. "Sh-she's right. That wouldn't be safe for either of us. Or my kingdom. I don't care for the court but...There are a lot of innocent people who would get caught up in the conflict if I accidentally started a war by flying to Camelot on a dragon....especially unannounced.”

Ashes gives approximately zero shits about accidentally starting a war  wouldn't be the first time but they can tell Marius won't be swayed. "We could send Raphaella? If she's willing?"

Marius nods. "That...might be our best option..."

"I'll talk to her about it,” Ivy offers, extremely out of her depth with this interaction. When Ashes nods, she heads off to do so.

"Can we...return to the pillow hoard?" He asks sadly.

“Of course.” They go there and Marius just buries himself in pillows. Ashes drapes themself over the pile, head resting above him.

-

Raph lands softly outside the lair, and then heads in. Her wings droop, her eyes have circles beneath them, and she steps lightly as she looks for Marius, not wanting to announce her news loudly.

Ashes sees her and immediately knows the news is not good. They point her towards the pillow pile, which Marius has barely left for the past several days.

Raph finds Ivy reading on the mound, a roughly Marius-shaped blanket mass next to her. “Marius?...” She picks at her wings. “I...are you in there?”

Ashes follows her and curls around the pile protectively, as if they can ward off the incoming bad news.

Marius emerges from under a mound of blankets. He looks up at Raph and he Knows. He still needs to hear it but he Knows. "I'm in here..."

Raph was given an official letter of bereavement from Arthur, Guinevere, and Lancelot. She doesn’t take it out. “Sir Lyfrassir Edda is...missing, presumed dead in the Pyramid of the GRAIL. Attempts at recovering any bodies were fruitless. Marius, I’m so sorry.”

Marius closes his eyes and curls in on himself. Honestly, he'd thought he'd run out of tears days ago, but they’ve come back with a vengeance as he sobs silently.

Ashes curls tighter around him. "Oh, Marius.”

Marius simply cries himself out and then burrows further into the pillow pile.

Raph tentatively joins, half expecting to be told to get out. Ivy wraps an arm around Raphaella as well, entangling her in the cuddles. Marius allows his family to hold him close as he mourns.


End file.
